I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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