i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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