Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
