I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize