Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
