I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm at about main and main street
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
