yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
