I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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