a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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