I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
