nut hugger
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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