i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
