Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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