And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
