We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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