I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I want is dick and wine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize