Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
