Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
