I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
