the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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