I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
