Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
