You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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