.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize