Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
