i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it glows. i had to have it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
