I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sarcasm needs its own font
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
