so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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