I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
