Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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