I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
do nipples grow back?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
