you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
