I CAN MOONWALK!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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