and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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