my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
