shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is Oprah even human
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
