ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
