So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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