so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
