Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
