So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
