How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
