If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
