how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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