Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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