My cat gives me a boner
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
