Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
