piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will be naked everywhere
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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