Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
honey bunches of taint.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize