ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
