I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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