hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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