I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
