Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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