He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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