Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
