you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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