sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
