Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
