Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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