It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
