I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
