found the other keg... it's in the tree
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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