i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize