uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
