started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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