i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
