im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
