I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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