why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
