We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize