I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
