ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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