I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
