so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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