fuck your aforementioned shoe
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
