the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
