she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
