real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't make out with my wife yet
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize