Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
