walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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