member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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