You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
