Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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