It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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