my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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