I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize