He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
