Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
