Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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